Post by String Bean on Apr 17, 2005 21:47:47 GMT -5
Here's ya some funny church bulletins!!!!! 
CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually
appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonite at
Calvary
Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER &FASTING
Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting &Prayer Conference
includes meals."
3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water,...calling Simon
Peter".
The sermon tonite: > "Searching for Simon Peter."
4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
5. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale It's a chance to get rid of
those
things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget yer husbands.
6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to
a
conflict.
7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hawd to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much
about
you.
8. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
9. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pA$$ this way again," giving
obvious
pleasure to the congregation.
10. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery
downstairs.
11. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
12. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions.
She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor
Jack's sermons.
13. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir
will
sing: ... "Break Forth Into Joy."
14. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
16. At the evening service tonite, the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
17 Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.. Scouts are
saving
aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be
used
to cripple children.
19. Please place yer donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person
you want remembered.
20. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy
lunch.
21. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment
and
gracious hostility.
22. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
24. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across
from
the church.
Be sure to bring yer blankets and be prepared to sin.
25. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All
ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
26. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
27. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use
the back door.
28. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.
29. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
30. The A$$ociate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan
last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up yers."
31. Our next song is: "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually
appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonite at
Calvary
Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national PRAYER &FASTING
Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting &Prayer Conference
includes meals."
3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water,...calling Simon
Peter".
The sermon tonite: > "Searching for Simon Peter."
4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
5. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale It's a chance to get rid of
those
things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget yer husbands.
6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to
a
conflict.
7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hawd to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much
about
you.
8. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
9. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pA$$ this way again," giving
obvious
pleasure to the congregation.
10. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
nursery
downstairs.
11. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
12. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions.
She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor
Jack's sermons.
13. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir
will
sing: ... "Break Forth Into Joy."
14. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the
church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
16. At the evening service tonite, the sermon topic will be "What Is
Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
17 Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.. Scouts are
saving
aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be
used
to cripple children.
19. Please place yer donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person
you want remembered.
20. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy
lunch.
21. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment
and
gracious hostility.
22. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
24. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across
from
the church.
Be sure to bring yer blankets and be prepared to sin.
25. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All
ladies
are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
26. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation
would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
27. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use
the back door.
28. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.
29. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
30. The A$$ociate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan
last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up yers."
31. Our next song is: "Angels We Have Heard Get High."
